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He Loves Me, Loves Me Not

“Ya oughtta be careful what you say around her. She’s the town spermologer”.

When I first heard these words I scoffed. So what, she can’t be all bad. I believe I can handle anything that comes my way; a gossip queen can’t do me no harm.

Or can she?

I went into work the next day, and Liz says to me, she says, “Mourning Wildflower…”. I about choked on my coffee. She looked me up and down with her one good eye – her bad eye glazed like a blueberry donut – hand on her hip – left foot tapping – arms crossed, “Well?”, she asked accusingly.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, miss”.

Crisis adverted. How did she know?

Randy’s birthday is coming up on the 27th. He would have been at Wildflower last week if the transmission hadn’t given out on the last home stretch. As soon as the little red Toyota broke down he took out his yellow bic-lighter. Map in flames he let it fall to the ground. As he stepped onto the pavement the tow truck pulled up. Some kind of birthday month.

Back at headquarters, I was fixing
the little problems Yuri and I was facing. One, I couldn’t go back to work knowing Liz was on to me. Two, it’s time to move on anyways . Catch ya’ll the flip side.

Duct-tape in hand, Randy skates over to the next lamp post.

“Ya didn’t have to quit, Ari.”

I hand him a poster. What was I supposed to do? Let them mock me about my dead boyfriend?

“I don’t think they were mocking you, hun. They were probably trying to help guide you”. He skated over to the cork-board kiosk and did a plea-aye.

I hand him another poster. I look down at my iPod. Everything on my grooveshark account is playing by twos… Whatever You Like, Whatever You Like, Bukowski, Bukowski, Montage, Montage, Doesn’t Remind Me, Doesn’t Remind Me… God, who’d wanna be such a control freak?

“You can throw them a curve-ball, A-train”.

Wildflower is a big, witch-y, family reunion held in the mountains of my beautiful home state. It’s host of some of the best disc-golf tossers in the nation. Every year we have a tournament in the hills. Every year the location changes. And every year only a select number of homies get the maps to our destination. I guess it’s kind of like a sub-let party of the rainbow gathering. Most years I almost always get left behind. Guess they just don’t think I’m cool enough…

Foolish boys… I’d rock their world, too, if they just gave me the chance.

I’m not sure if we are really allowed to talk about it. It might be like one of thoooseclubs. The kind where the first rule is always, The first rule of __________ club is you never talk about ___________ club. He might be dead to you, but in my heart he is still alive.

Well, Wildflower, here is a big screw you with a smile and my middle finger flying high.

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-by Arian


 

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Structured Life Sucks

Sometimes I hate waking up. I never know what to do first thing in the morning. I was never a morning person. Now that I am a mother I figure it’s about damn time I make a schedule for myself to live by so that I don’t lose my marbles everyday – because it gets tiring trying to find them day after day.

I don’t really like schedules. Growing up I always hated structure. I related it with institutions and being all about anarchy I HATED everything that had to do with institutions. Being 25 – still an anarchist – I know enough that a little structure isn’t all that bad. Done right it can actually do some good.

A friend I only see a couple times a year (if that) took Yuri and me to the movies this weekend.  It was good to just spend some time with him even though we didn’t really get a chance to catch up that much.  I started thinking about all the friends I’ve lost touch with over the years and I want to start making time… but first I have to make time for myself so that I don’t go nuts trying to catch up with everyone all at once.

I figure taking small steps at first is the best choice.  This is how it will start:

Movie Night Monday: Obviously Yuri and I will be doing things throughout the day but it will all lead up to the movie that was chosen for the night.  Sort of like a scavenger hunt throughout the day to guess what movie I have chosen for him to watch.  It’s going to be sooo fun! haha

Tunes Times Tuesday’s: I kind of already scheduled this day for music for the blog, so why not incorporate to actual life?  Every Tuesday I will have different musical activities for both Yuri and I to do.

Reading Rainbow Wednesday’s: I think this is pretty self-explanatory.

Arts & Crafts Thursday’s: This weekend I was pretty down because both Yuri and I got severely sunburned while we were out camping the week before.  Instead of sulking pitifully around all day, I came up with an idea.  Well maybe Yuri came up with the idea.  No.  Both of us did.  I was boiling some noodles for lunch and Yuri got into the noodles and started playing with them.  They are the kind of noodles that I used to make necklaces with when I was a little girl.  So after lunch I got out the water-colors and Yuri painted some noodles and made a necklace.

 

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We had so much fun with it, and I really need to set aside an entire day to my own arts & crafts anyways, so it will be saucesome!

Fútbol Fridays: Ya know, for soccer and sports and spanish and german and french and such.

So there’s my weekly schedule. Weekends will be a free-for-all because we all know how those goes. I left lots of room purposefully for a little bit of tweaking here and there. Maybe I won’t feel so dragged down all the time now. Knowing what I will be doing with my kiddo on a daily basis will, hopefully, give me some time and space to sort out some other (somewhat) important aspects of my life.

– ❤ Ari

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The Time-Travelin’ VW

Time-travel! What a concept! Going forward into the future or back in time knowing that every move you make must be taken with caution – if you aren’t careful the whole ripple (butterfly) effect could ruin things you have no control of. Visiting places of ruins, times of chivalry, the unknown. We all are just pawns stuck in the game of life after all, is moving forward through time really the only path to take?

I have had multiple nights where my dreams have taken me through time and space. I am not sure about everybody, but, I myself believe that dreams are subconscious memories and thoughts trying to speak to us. Dreams are keys to a different reality. Maybe the time-traveling dreams represent a different life I have lived, have yet to live, or could live. Can I really live these other lives?

If I could, let’s say, become the girl I am in my dreams… would I be able to find the key to an actual ride out of this reality? I know this sounds absolutely crazy. A girl can hope, right? I am just in love with the idea…

Little Yuri, and me, traveling through space and time in search for a great escape… Instead of a Delorean we would have our orange ’74 Volkswagen bug. We would go into the future to a time where we have found life on other planets. We would go to the times of dinosaurs. It would be a bitchin’ time.

To Be Continued…20140713-163819-59899144.jpg

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Missed Opportunities

 I woke up this morning in a fit of confusion.  I am torn about certain life-decisions that make no sense to me.  It didn’t help that my dreams were all unfocused and screwy.  I had to get going though – I had to get to work.

          I wrote down today’s schedule for the nanny (which happens to be Yuri’s auntie).  When I said good-bye and gave my kisses, Yuri decided to grab onto my leg and not let go.  He wanted to come to work with me.  I couldn’t get out of the house on time… that’s when I knew the day was going to be a weird one.

          My car was on empty.  I was out of money so I had to go to the bank to cash a money order from Yuri’s dad.  Problem?  There was a new bank teller.  She didn’t know where to look for the water mark on the postal service money order.  I even told her to hold it up to the light and look in the middle.  She wouldn’t cash it.. even though I’ve been cashing the child support checks there for months.

       I Had to make the drive to the post office, and I knew that by the time I got there I would be running late for work.  When I got there it was packed.  The lady at the register told me that they didn’t have enough money in the till, just the hundred they started out with.  Lucky for me the guy behind me had to make a money order for $250.  I probably would have had better luck standing at the street corner… or at least that’s what one of the captain’s I work with thought.

          The gas station was packed as well.  I had to pump the gas myself.  Went a nickel over.  By the time I hit the road I knew I was going to be at least ten minutes late.

          Ten minutes late for work and the boat captain asked if he could open the door for me like I did for him.  It was the least he could do.  Boss got the son to go to town to get the fixed ice-cream machine. Hallelujah!

          Two different planned weddings that I could miss.