The stars are out and the air is fresh.
I don’t want you to think I need you as a mate.
I only wanted to look my best.
The reason I am here is the rum, and certainly not for a date.
Two margaritas in and I don’t believe you,
People hear me but they never surely listen,
Broken promises, false assumptions, not being true…
Where’s the piece that’s missing?
Time, I wasted with you through the years,
My dismissed heart can’t mask the losses,
Blame games, broken glasses, drawing rivers of tears…
May we take this road forever-more-so cautiously?
Into the looking glass I see the elusive whore that is me. Masked and tasteless, she has killed the dream that I dreamed. Stitches falling apart at the seams, it matters no more what she screams into the inhospitable, isolated, nighttime air. It isn’t her fault he has gone away. Left me alone… only with a suitcase of memories… and the girl in the looking glass.
Our past haunts me as I ponder every waking breath. She says I could leave all of this behind with time. Even if I could, it won’t bring him back.
Turning away only gave me room to cleanse the mask. Inside of me still lies a dark paradise of menacing, sinister, ominous delight. There may or may not be two more of me, conflicting spirits and energies. Stand beside me and see. He won’t…
Drowning in her own salty tears, I try to adjust to the imbalance of her abandoned life. Oh. No. I don’t feel pretty. It’s too late for me to turn back, I have come too far. I too begin to drown.
Rescued from a slowly sinking ship she cries with words of freedom. Shadowed wings of sincerity, hinting promises of liberty… Alas, they came too soon. Shattered bones lying deep beneath, only coming up to prove she’s wrong, pulls her back into the darkness. She doesn’t want me anymore.
She sings to me, “That girl that you’ve been before, the one that you wish never existed. She is dead and gone and lying on the edge of a galactic abyss. You are not alone. There is no time for flight. Go ahead and blame Hollywood, but don’t let that feeling hold you down.” In her eyes, I will always be a monster. No sleep tonight… We’re on the night train.
by Arian ❤
P.S. If you click “Oughtta Hear The Mirror In My House”, the Title will take you to Anya Marina’s music video Miss Halfway.
P.P.S. If you click on “No sleep tonight”, the last sentence will take you to YouTube as well and you can hear LadyHawke’s song Cellophane. 🙂
I follow this blog regularly because I have always been into philosophy and this guy really gets my brain turning. Anyway.. I felt the urge to respond and this is what I had to say:
“While I was reading this the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley came to mind:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Loom but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
Why this came to mind, I can only say this: that we can allow our past to shape who we are, or we can let it go and become the person we want to be tomorrow.
I suppose we can also embrace our selves of the past and hope for a better tomorrow. I think you really have to almost reset and reflect if you are going to delve into the past. If you forget to reset though, those past memories will just haunt you. After all, you aren’t the same person that you were yesterday.”
This post by Austin (his blog: The Return of the Modern Philosopher) really hit home for me. For years I have let people and events of my past hold me back from being myself. I have developed social anxiety spells just thinking about it! I have to remember I am not the same person I was of my past. Sure the events have changed me, but it’s my time to become who I am meant to be… I am an activist, a feminist, an artist, a musician, a teacher, a writer, a skater, a snowboarder, a camper… but most important, I am the mother of a wonderful boy. It doesn’t really matter what I have or haven’t done as long as I continue to move forward, thrive, just by being me.
[Illustration by myself from a few months ago]
Space, it’s space! Outer-space!
I’m taking a rocket-ship to another place!
I hope to find a galaxy that’s way far out,
Come across a planet when having final doubts,
Discover another universe of a different kind…
Oh, look, a shooting star!
I’ll catch a ride to a time of punk-rock show space-bars!
If I bump into an alien that knows his way,
Flies his own UFO and knows just what to say,
I’ll set forth into the future humming a song with him in mind…
A time-traveller with a compass!
His name is Anchor and he’s got lots of sass!
He built his own robot to help him explore;
A rebel of a past he wishes to forget and ignore,
Him and I, together, will have a lifetime of treasures to find…
To Be Continued… Possibly…