Just the Small Things

With a new baby on the way there has been a lot of different things that run through my mind.  One of the thoughts that keeps coming is, am I ready for this?  There are plenty of reasons why this particular thought is on my mind.  Am I ready to be the mom of a new baby, the mother of two now?  Am I ready for labor, again?  Will I remember how to breastfeed?  Most importantly, do I have all I need to be ready for this? 

It gets a little stressful thinking about all this.  Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond excited about the new addition!  Its exciting for my son to have a baby brother and I love the daily bustle of having a newborn.  It’s been five years since the last time I was pregnant though.  I don’t know what has changed since 2010 and I’m afraid I’ve forgotten things.

I’ve been slowly gathering baby essentials.  I have the Baby Bump app which has a checklist of what I’ll need.  I have been finding all kinds of stuff on baby classifieds on Facebook.  In fact, just yesterday I got a steal on a brand new, never been used, bassinet – I got it for 60% off the retail price!  I am surprised at some of the things I can find on there.  However, I have to be careful because sometimes you think you are getting a good deal but in fact you are paying for junk.  It’s kind of fun gathering baby stuff, but it can be hard too.  New baby stuff can get expensive, so trying to find bargains has been helpful.  Family and friends have also been helpful. 

The one thing that’s driving me crazy is waiting for the baby shower.  I know I’ll get some of what I need, but I constantly am wondering if it will give me enough time to get everything else I need.  In fact, I already had one for my significant other’s family and got some very wonderful and thoughtful things for the baby.  I’m having another one in November that my family and friends in my hometown will come to.  The idea of a baby shower really helps out the parents-to-be in so many ways.  So why am I always freaking out about not being ready??

To be honest, there is nothing to be worried about.  Absolutely nothing.  My family and friends have been taking good care of me.  My love and I have been doing what we can with what we have.  We’ve been preparing for the big day in all kinds of ways.  I just have the hormones going and tend to make a big deal out of something so small or nothing at all.  There is one thing I’ll save for another day, pregnancy hormones, the horror!  Other than the hormones though, I have everything under control. 

The anxiety really sucks though.  Especially my anxiety about labor and breastfeeding.  I start prenatal classes at the end of October that I am hoping will ease my nerves.  I am planning an all-natural hospital birth.  I had a homebirth with my first son that went well.  Breastfeeding started off well but then I wasn’t producing enough after awhile.  I just want things to run smoothly.

I’m actually overcoming a fear by having a hospital birth.  I am deathly scared of things not going my way because of pushy nurses and doctors.  I know they are there to help but it’s frightening to me.  There are specific things I want that I know I could get at home and not so much at the hospital.  Plus, hospitals creep me out.  They are full of sick and dying people. 

As far as breastfeeding goes, all I can do is take a class and read some literature and hope for the best.  I want so badly to be successful at breastfeeding.  I think it’s the best way to give a baby nutrition and I want to be able to offer that.  After six weeks I’ll introduce bottles but I still plan to nurse.  I hope that using an electronic breast pump this time instead of a manual will help keep up production.

I’m hoping the anxiety goes away the further along I get (I’m already 6 months)!  It’s honestly kicking my butt.  Like I said though, I’m doing everything in my power to prepare for the big day.  It’s definitely nerve-wracking but this is such an exciting time for me!  There are all kinds of things to worry about, but I’m having another baby!  It’s going to be awesome!

-Ari Swan