Just the Small Things

With a new baby on the way there has been a lot of different things that run through my mind.  One of the thoughts that keeps coming is, am I ready for this?  There are plenty of reasons why this particular thought is on my mind.  Am I ready to be the mom of a new baby, the mother of two now?  Am I ready for labor, again?  Will I remember how to breastfeed?  Most importantly, do I have all I need to be ready for this? 

It gets a little stressful thinking about all this.  Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond excited about the new addition!  Its exciting for my son to have a baby brother and I love the daily bustle of having a newborn.  It’s been five years since the last time I was pregnant though.  I don’t know what has changed since 2010 and I’m afraid I’ve forgotten things.

I’ve been slowly gathering baby essentials.  I have the Baby Bump app which has a checklist of what I’ll need.  I have been finding all kinds of stuff on baby classifieds on Facebook.  In fact, just yesterday I got a steal on a brand new, never been used, bassinet – I got it for 60% off the retail price!  I am surprised at some of the things I can find on there.  However, I have to be careful because sometimes you think you are getting a good deal but in fact you are paying for junk.  It’s kind of fun gathering baby stuff, but it can be hard too.  New baby stuff can get expensive, so trying to find bargains has been helpful.  Family and friends have also been helpful. 

The one thing that’s driving me crazy is waiting for the baby shower.  I know I’ll get some of what I need, but I constantly am wondering if it will give me enough time to get everything else I need.  In fact, I already had one for my significant other’s family and got some very wonderful and thoughtful things for the baby.  I’m having another one in November that my family and friends in my hometown will come to.  The idea of a baby shower really helps out the parents-to-be in so many ways.  So why am I always freaking out about not being ready??

To be honest, there is nothing to be worried about.  Absolutely nothing.  My family and friends have been taking good care of me.  My love and I have been doing what we can with what we have.  We’ve been preparing for the big day in all kinds of ways.  I just have the hormones going and tend to make a big deal out of something so small or nothing at all.  There is one thing I’ll save for another day, pregnancy hormones, the horror!  Other than the hormones though, I have everything under control. 

The anxiety really sucks though.  Especially my anxiety about labor and breastfeeding.  I start prenatal classes at the end of October that I am hoping will ease my nerves.  I am planning an all-natural hospital birth.  I had a homebirth with my first son that went well.  Breastfeeding started off well but then I wasn’t producing enough after awhile.  I just want things to run smoothly.

I’m actually overcoming a fear by having a hospital birth.  I am deathly scared of things not going my way because of pushy nurses and doctors.  I know they are there to help but it’s frightening to me.  There are specific things I want that I know I could get at home and not so much at the hospital.  Plus, hospitals creep me out.  They are full of sick and dying people. 

As far as breastfeeding goes, all I can do is take a class and read some literature and hope for the best.  I want so badly to be successful at breastfeeding.  I think it’s the best way to give a baby nutrition and I want to be able to offer that.  After six weeks I’ll introduce bottles but I still plan to nurse.  I hope that using an electronic breast pump this time instead of a manual will help keep up production.

I’m hoping the anxiety goes away the further along I get (I’m already 6 months)!  It’s honestly kicking my butt.  Like I said though, I’m doing everything in my power to prepare for the big day.  It’s definitely nerve-wracking but this is such an exciting time for me!  There are all kinds of things to worry about, but I’m having another baby!  It’s going to be awesome!

-Ari Swan

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A Great Time to Celebrate

It is fall.  It’s finally cooling off outside!  The leaves have turned and are falling.  Apple’s and caramel are on sale.  Pumpkins are out.  Halloween is in the air.  I am thankful.

I love Autumn!  It definitely has to be one of my favorite times of the year.  Winter is my all time favorite but it is a close second.  There are so many reasons as to why I love this season – with cool air, falling leaves, caramel apples, pumpkin spice, Halloween and Thanksgiving being just a few.  How could anybody not love it?

As I am sitting on the couch, cozied up in my hoodie, there is one thing in particular that I am thinking about that takes place in the fall.  That would be my son’s birthday.  Every October I am beyond thrilled to celebrate Yuri’s birthday.  It is something that only happens once a year, and this year he is turning five!  I want his birthday to be special.

I would like to take a minute to reminisce about the night I went into labor…

It was October 23rd, 2010, and I had just got home from a prenatal with my midwife.  I had twelve days left before my due date.  After an hour and a half of driving (my midwife was in another town due to there being little options when it came to home births) I had to pee like no other when I walked in my door.  I noticed something strange after going to the bathroom though.  I didn’t realize it at the time but I found out later that my mucous plug fell out!  Gross huh?

That night I was meant to celebrate a good friend’s 21st birthday.  The minute I walked into her house an acquaintance took one look at me and announced to the room I was in labor.  My lamaze instructor warned me about the denial stage in labor, but I was in complete and total denial!  I just couldn’t believe it was already time.  I continued on with the get-together.

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Here is a picture of the night I went into labor!

About 4 a.m. the next morning I woke up because my a  water had broke.  It took until about 8 a.m. for my midwives to get there from Missoula.  I pushed and pushed until 12:38 p.m. on October 24th.  I delivered Yuri on my kitchen floor.  He was the most perfect little being I had ever laid my eyes on. 

His tiny hands and feet took my breath away.  I couldn’t believe I had just done that!  It was a huge thing.  The biggest moment of my life was on that day.  To be honest he looked a bit like Frankenstein at first because he had a hematoma the circumference of his head right on top.  I still adored him (and the hematoma popped shortly after and left a little sore on his head).  The only thing given to me for pain during labor was spoonfuls of honey!  When I talk about it now I wonder why I was so brave.  Every ounce of pain was worth it.  I was one proud Mama!

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This little face is the highlight of my life.  He was the highlight of 2010.  He is also the highlight of my fall.  After all the things to look forward to in fall I have this little ones birthday to celebrate. 

Every year for his birthday I also make a Halloween costume.  One year he was Yoda.  This year he wants to be a super hero vampire.  He got the idea from his favorite show, “Mona the Vampire”.  I’ve had fun making his cape and he is so excited for the end product. 

This time of year is just as fun for him as it is for me.  We get to decorate the house.  There will be a pumpkin patch we attend in the near future and pumpkin carving.  We get to go to the Museum of the Rockies for a birthday celebration.  Can’t forget the trick o’ treating.  Then spend a wonderful time with the family celebrating Thanksgiving.  This will be a great fall for us.

~ Ari

Write Anything

It’s been about 6 months since I have posted anything.  I suppose I let life get in the way of getting back into doing what I love.  Even though I’m not the greatest writer I love to write.  If I love writing so much, how come I haven’t written in so long?

To be honest, I’ve had every chance to write.  I don’t work (besides the mom thing) so I have a lot of free time on my hands.  Sadly I spend a lot of my time vegging out on the couch watching tv or with my right hand glued to my phone.  I’m also pregnant, which means I haven’t been getting outside as much as I normally do.  Which means I should have even more time to write… But do I?

No, I don’t.

Now, I could blame my absence on the fact that life is just too busy right now but we already know that I’m not busy.  So what IS to blame?  I can’t think of anything other than I’m suffering from an illness.  A defeating illness called writer’s block.

Some may argue that I didn’t even do that much writing, how could it be writer’s block.  Well, what is writer’s block?  It is the condition of being unable to write or not knowing how to proceed with writing.  Every time I went to write over the last 6 months I would log into WordPress, open up a blank page and just stare.  I could not put words to tablet for the life of me.  I had this goal of writing a post for my blog once a week for a year.  Instead I haven’t written a thing for over 6 MONTHS!!! Sigh!

I’m not sure if I’ve gotten over my “condition” or if I’m just able to write about it because of how I feel about it… And how I feel is depressing.  I’m stressed and depressed and obsessed with eating.  I’m about 6 months pregnant so I should be happy.  I think that trying to write will relieve some stress and depression and maybe even stop my eating every time I get bored.  So, with the hopes that I am in fact cured, I’m going to start over with my goal for this blog: I’m will have a new post weekly.  I’m excited and determined.

~Ari Swan~