Back in May, I wrote my first post, Happy-Nests, for this new blog of mine. The entirety of the post was to pursue a new passion, and that by June I would mainly be camping for the summer with my son, Yuri.
Although I did pursue many passions, my job falling into one of those passions, as well as this blog, I didn’t get to go camping as much as was originally planned. Without regret I shift my blame solely on Yuri’s father – for the simple reason of him being a totally selfish pig. If you wish to know why I do so, my Mother’s Day post can surely give you a glimpse as to why. I did take Yuri camping though,
Even with the major set back, June shaped out pretty nicely. June was my month to, “Do It Now”. I am a major procrastinator, always have been. With the custody battle thrown my way, by someone who was never around until now (after all the major milestones are over – teething, feeding, first words, roll-over, crawl, steps, potty-training, etc…), I just wanted to drop everything and run and hide. I kind of did at first… but then a few friends of mine helped me get a grip and I started to fight.
I love my new job. At first, I won’t lie, I was slightly – maybe more-so – intimidated. It’s a tourist attraction so we deal with a lot of, well, tourists. I have always been a little shy, some say I am just anti-social, others call me an introvert.. so a ton of new people daily can kind of scare me. So I faced my fear and started acting like the person that I want to be. That person isn’t afraid of strangers.
I got out of default with my student loans. I still don’t know if I am ready to go back yet, but at least I can now if I chose to. Obviously, I am still in debt. I am working my way towards freedom and that is enough. I don’t have to beat myself up about it.
Mediation. I hear this word and I relax. I may not have the whole world on my side, but when it comes to my son, without hesitation I can say I know what’s best. His father can try all he may to break me down, time after time, but to little (or no) avail. I will not give up on Yuri. I am scared of the legal system, because in the past and present it’s never completely been in my favor. Mediation, however, is something I understand. I have a routine and life in mind for Yuri, and if his father and I can compromise I see no threat in eventually sharing custody. I have a feeling that the process will take awhile – I have no intention to bend over to anybody’s will anytime soon.
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With it being the end of June, I have started to look at what I will be focusing on in July. I have chosen this month to focus on Education. I don’t just mean school and classes. I mean to educate myself a little bit more on things I have already been working on. I have already spent 6 months this year, why not spend a month of it learning more about what I have already done.
I will take some time out of July to learn a little bit more about each of these things: embracing my authentic self (make footprints), parenthood (treasure memories), boosting energy ( vitality), letting things go (shit happens), pursuing a passion (spend more time outdoors), and do it now (don’t wait).
The month of July should prove to be interesting! I feel it is important to remember to always be me. Be Arian. Somehow, I forget this when it matters the most. I have a hard time accepting myself – or my past. If I can accept all my imperfections then maybe I can start to embrace all I have to offer. I can make worthwhile footprints.
My life as a mother IS my life. I always want to be better at it. I hate competing, though. Obviously. This month I will do more of acknowledging his feelings, singing, working on projects with him, and treasuring our moments together.
I need to spend A LOT of time outside to boost my energy, ha!
The sooner I can let go of the past, the sooner I will be able to make a livable future.
Camping! It needs to happen more often. I can tell you right now that I will be camping in the backwoods the 1st thru 3rd for my independence day weekend. Then back to work the 4th. Then there is a local KOA that we can camp at for up to 14 days for a reasonable price. That should be fun. There is another campground at the lake close to work that we can camp at for the rest of the month. It’s too nice out to be living any other way! So there is my plan…
Now to just do it… hmmm..?